Here’s how you do it:

1. Step one

   Choose.

   Our regular boxes are enough for 4 hungry people. The party boxes are for 8. They don’t include breads or rice because you can either cook them yourself or get them from the shops. It’s not hard.

2. Step two

   Book.

   We need 3 days’ notice, and that’s non-negotiable. We don’t have a time-machine and we’re not bloody wizards. Our food takes time to make properly.

3. Step three

   Receive.

   We’ll give you a delivery slot. Please make sure you’re in so we don’t have to leave your food on your doorstep. No-one wants their cheeky prick of a neighbour/postman/random dog to run off with their food box.’

4. Step four

   Cook.

   Read the instructions, crack open a beverage and get cooking.

5. Step five

   Eat.

   Marvel at the aroma of your food. Gasp at the deliciousness of each morsel. Vow never to order another Indian takeaway again.